she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
