We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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