wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
