Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
