C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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