Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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