bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml