there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.