i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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