OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.