I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.