areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
