I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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