You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
