if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
