I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
