I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
