i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
