he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I puked a lego.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
