is your mom at the bar?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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