im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your cock deserves a montage
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Randomize
