If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
