i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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