I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
