it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My cat gives me a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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