I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
