The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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