So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
