My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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