my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
