absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
