No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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