I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
