What did we do last night that was yellow?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
