Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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