i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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