We got so high we made milksteak
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
