His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
