in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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