Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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