This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
