She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
