you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
