I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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