she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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