this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
