Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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