I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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