worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
