we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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