oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
