wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
