the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
