pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
