if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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