i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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