I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
