Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
