did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
