So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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