Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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