mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
