Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
