Ambien. No doubt about it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
