Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
