i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
