the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
